Sunday, September 4, 2011


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Hmm.. been a wild ride these last few weeks..a long time and  a lot of thoughts I wanted to blog about. Being a four day "weekend," thanks to a furlough day and a holiday connect, I am given the opportunity to blog today. Today I'm blogging about HOPE. Why you may ask? Well through these past few weeks this is what I have noticed was my families, especially the children, form of energy.

I have noticed how HOPE have help them through these long days, nights, and weeks that they have been awaiting the return to norm or a better life. I, myself, often think this was foolish as the expectation for success for some of my families is really slim, more like finding the infamous needle in a hay stack.  Either way, these families do not give up HOPE. They look to me and the agency for HOPE and guidance to achieve their goals.  This can be very draining and I often loose HOPE myself.  I am only human, but often feel that I have to be more. I have to state that I am fortunate to have other people I can draw the energies needed to keep going.

Now as parents, we often get to the point where we are HOPELESS. Things are not going the way we planned, others are trying their best to hold us down,  and all other things seem to get in our way. But remember that there are others really depending on you, looking for you to keep the HOPE and provide for them.  Their smiles, and health is where you have to draw your HOPE from, because things are presented to us as a way to test our resolve-to ensure you are worthy to call yourself a parent, a care giver, or a protector.

No matter what you may feel about the current situation your experiencing at this moment, I want you to remember this:
  1. Your children will always love you-maybe not in the form that you want but they do love you
  2. Any mistakes you make as a parent can be viewed as a lesson for your children-so if you make one. Own It. Address It. And Move On.
  3. Always love yourself so that you can love your children
  4. Remember HOPE. Helping Others Perceive Excellence-So that they an Achieve it.

So keep up the good work and don't forget HOPE 

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

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Today I was listening to NPR and they were talking about breakups. The story that grabbed my attention was the example given by a little girl who wanted to know why her parents were getting divorced.  She explained that the she wanted to know the real reason why and not adults told her and not the regular answer of "it will be ok answer."

While listening to the story and her want of the reconnection of her parents,  it brought back memories of my feeling when my parents separated.  I recalled that same feeling of "why" and the urge of wanting them to get back together even I knew this was not going to happen (cause my mother told me she would NEVER get back with him). I knew this and experiences the reason why my mother left my father in the first place. But this did not stop me from wanting them to be back together. That want of normalcy, that longing to be like the child in school where their father came to the school to pick them up during "parent pickup" or to go to take me fishing. I recall sitting with the friendly man (counselor) as a child and telling him I wanted my mommy and my daddy to be together. Why? I don't know I knew my daddy was really mean to my mommy and me, that he would do real bad stuff to me and cause me pain, embarrassment, and anger. But I didn't care it was this longing a deep desire.

Now why would I want to live with a guy who not only put a gun to my mother's, head pull the trigger (thank god it misfired) whiled I watched but beat me senseless on several occasions? Is it a biological longing to be with your parent you bonded with regardless of their shortcomings?

I know as a social worker, the children in care 99.9% of the time want to go home with their caregiver that caused them harm, they return home after care 99.9% of the time and will quickly turn on you if you talk bad about their caregivers.  So maybe it's a biological thing.  Don't really know.

Regardless of their reasoning, it reminds me of another one of the reasons, I try and encourages caretakers when dealing with children with missing caregivers to remembers it is very important to support the relationship in whatever form is allowed by law. As the child will seek this relationship out and draw their own conclusions about the missing caregiver. I know I did, my mother who wasn't very supportive of our relationship with my father (and she had a justifiable concern), didn't allow this. But I kept wondering if he (father) was so bad, why would my mother
          1. hook up with him
          2. marry him
          3. have several children from him over a several year period.
It didn't make sense  to me. So if I wasn't getting a answer from her I was going to get it from the source (father and his family). Well it took me several years to get this answer. And I found out that
          1. my father was not as big of a POS as my family called him and lead me to believe
          2. that my mother and father really loved each other
          3. that substance abuse is a terrible disease.
This help me deal with some of the unanswered questions and as I got older, experience life (relationships) I was able to understand the complexities of the relationship, and the hard decisions made when becoming a parent and dealing with unpleasant situations. As parents we often have to deal with these type of situations, but it makes me wonder and I ask. If (I know most never want to think this) but if you were ending your current relationship, how  would you explain this to your children? What would you say? Would you allow your emotions to cloud your judgment regarding the children? Often they are used as pawns in relationships. Would this be you? Would you tell them the truth?

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

You Can't Tell Me what to Do.."Laugh Now Cry Later"

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Ok, is it me or do I get told what to day ALL the time? Really I'm tired of hearing about or reading that people feel that the government is telling what to do more now.  Hmm..let me think.. We have ALWAYS been told what we can do. It's part of being in a society, family, or relationship. Someone WILL and I say WILL tell you what you CAN and CAN NOT do. And guess you don't have to do what they say, but guess what? You then will have to pay the price. Some times its a tongue lashing, sometimes its fine, some times it's your freedom and even you can pay with your life.  And in the end you didn't have to do what they told you to do (true), but you did have to suffer.."Laugh now Cry later."

I  guess this struck me as weird because of the whole health care issue. Yes things are not the best in the good old USA, but I always thought this was a place where we all were created equal..But as a child you quickly maybe created equal, but your economic standing will affect what you are allowed to have or do.  And now when we have an opportunity to treat most people fairly, why keeping people well is a problem, I don't know? Is it because we don't want to be told to do?  Is it our "we should have stuff for free?" I like free ninety nine as much as the other guy, but we have to put in the pot to get something out of it.  Its cost money to take care of everyone. Pay in so you can use when you need. Cause regardless where you want to use it or not, when  it time for it (life or death situation), you will want the same treatment as the other guy. 

My feeling is they should treat healthcare like electric bills or any other mandated payment for service household expense. If you don't pay you don't get the services you need.  You're hurt, didn't pay..don't get to get help.  Could you imagine that? Sick people walking around spreading diseases, missing work, going to work ill, not living life to its full potential cause they have some ailment that  keep them from doing things like, babies born with medical issues that need immediate addressing or they die, things like that. Oh wait! That's how it is now. Let see how it would look, where we know we can be treated. I'm referring to emergency care. That's the critical stuff..body mangled, torn muscles, deep lacerations, broken bones, missing but found body parts that need attaching-that kinda stuff. But this isn't what we think about when we say people don't need healthcare coverage. It's the "it don't happen to me so I'm not worried about it" way of thinking. This type of thinking is the problem with our politics and our society.  This is the care we need when we want to live and if it was like other household expense. You come didn't may or may not leave out, No one would  want this.  But hey! We have to pay for it. It's either "pay now or cry later."

So what do you feel? It's it society responsibility to provide for it's citizens or the citizens responsibility to provide for society? 

Thursday, July 7, 2011

You have Children? WOW!! Now that was a mistake.

Ok.. This may sound a little hypocritical coming from Me..A Social Worker who enjoys reunifying families. The hard ones that require a lot of getting them to understand that children ARE people and have feelings that you have to consider 1st before yours.. But I have to say some parents..Just Don't Need Children.

I know..I know..I shouldn't think this way, but today was one of those days that re-enforced my belief. Well today I was working with a family that I know they love their child, and the child love them.  But they just don't get it. 

Parenting requires the ability to adapt. As adaptability will prevent the breakdown at Wal-Mart when your little one gets a case of volcanic diarrhea, while in the customer service line, and messes up that last diaper..and guess what? You didn't bring anymore. What to do when you have toxic green colored baby poo running down your arm?

Parenting requires that you can multitask. Because there are times in your parenting life when you are required to feed one child, while making sandwiches for the other, helping with homework, while talking on the phone with your significant about something that (important to them) but not so important to you. 

Parenting requires you to be a spy, private investigator, cop, jury, and judge all within the same conversation. How else can you bust, gather data, bring them home, allow for an explanation, and pass judgment when the child misbehaved. 

And those are just a few of the qualities you have to have. The problem is my poor parents don't have it. They just don't have the level of functioning that will allow them to be a THAT parent. They are doing their best, but I'm not sure if it 's gonna be enough. 
I am trying to provide them with assistance and requesting help from other community resources so that they can learn some of these basic skills, but they require time and practice. However, the system of foster care don't allow enough time for theses skills to be mastered. So should I give up and allow the child to remain in care? Or continue to tread along with them hoping they will get it? They really should not had a child. They were married and I know they love each dearly, but offspring was a mistake. Sometime I feel as a nation we should limit certain couples from reproducing, least until they master the required basic skills. Is that wrong? Should A Social Worker feel this way regarding problem parents? I know proper parenting is really based on who perceives the parenting and I considered this as well when working with all my families, but sometimes it just seem too much of a wish than reality. 

So tell me do you think that some people just should not have children? And If they do should we as a society remove these children and place them with more "normal" families?

Sunday, July 3, 2011

I Am Gay...Can I Come Live With You?

I'm a heterosexual, African American, South Georgian male. These are just a few of the characteristics that I have chosen to share about myself today. And I choose theses three because I feel these are three I could not change no matter how hard I may try (not that I'm trying). I could experiment with the same sex (nope not interest in it); pretend to be another race (but my best attempts always can be seen as fake); and even move to other part of Georgia or the United States (have done that, but as soon as I speak, people ask/think "hmm your not from around here are you?").

So I have come to feel that this IS me and no way to change it. I was born this way and HEY either I embrace it or struggle to change it. 

I was blessed to be born in a family that accept me for my black male tomfoolery, "playa playa pimp pimp" mentality growing up. I was given (butt still sore) morals and taught right from wrong, attended church every Sunday (Even when on Christmas "yep" but that's another story), and studied hard in school passed and went to college.  But this was a good thing right? I was allowed (sorta) to become who I am.. to be a positive asset to my community, valued for my opinions (I do have a lot of those too), advice, and thoughts. And this was a good thing right? Well my first answer was "Yes." But then I presented this question by one of my children a while ago.

Question: "Well Mr. James, what if YOU had to tell your family whom hated you..that you were gay? Would you want to tell them this?"

I though about this for a while and then I stated "Yes I would tell them. I would tell them because your sexual orientation is just one of your characteristics. I know in a normal situation you would be with your parents whom have reared you since you were born, provided you with some sense of stability, and wanted the best for you. They would want you to be happy and address your "coming out" as a loving family would. But your not in this situation. Your sexual orientation maybe an issue with the family your trying to go with. They may have great issues about this and feel so uncomfortable in their own sexuality, have religious convictions, or just plain phobias that they may say subtle things that discriminate, be just plan out right mean, or try and "fix" you which I don't consider anything wrong with you and really isn't their place to address."

The child looked at me and stated, " I hear ya, Mr. James. But it's not fair. You didn't have to tell your family that you like girls did you? "

I responded, " No, I didn't"

He followed, "Then why does it matter who I like. So what if their uncomfortable, they should love me for who I am not who I love. My family state they are Christians and all that stuff. That they would love me regardless. But when It comes to me living with them..It's NO."  

By then the child have become to shed tears and shake.

I know, I responded, " It's really unfair to ask you to share such a personal part of your life to them. But we have to remember, who you like is a part of you just like your skin color. You can't change it and it be a natural part of you. You can't be honest with who you are unless you can be WHO you are. And where you are living effects how easily you can be who you are."

After a few minutes, the child stopped crying and looked away gazing out the car window as I drove towards our destination.

Now today when I think back to our conversation, I wonder how much WHO I am is based on my rearing. Is it really fair to say that I'm heterosexual by choice or by birth. Would I be any different If was reared by a non traditional family (male/male, female/female or even single parent)? I believe that true sexual orientation is biological. And it's really unfortunate that at this point in our country it's just a big of a debate as the right for women to choose what to do with their bodies. It's used as platform for votes, to deny citizens rights, and even to deny potential families from rearing children.  

When I think about the child I was talking with, I can't help and think how much easier placements would be if the child's orientation was considered the norm. How unwanted behaviors wouldn't be blamed on orientation. How the poor child wouldn't be considered a "threat to society, family or little children."  How this is so unfair, but hey that's a choice that is made by the child and with choices comes consequences right?  

So today my questions are who is responsible for the orientation for the child? If only heterosexuals can make babies and more heterosexuals rear children than homosexuals, so where is the "unwanted" orientation coming from?

Friday, July 1, 2011

"Yes Dear..Wait what did you Just Say?.."

Sometimes the best ideas come from you better half..And mine gave me a topic for today to blog about.. "Thanks baby..I'll pay You back later.." She found a quick quiz you can take that will find your language of love. The quiz was developed by Dr  Gary Chapman  and is a easy test. Just select your profile take the quiz and compare/discuss your results.   

My results were:

Love Language Scores:
7 Words of Affirmation
7 Quality Time
2 Receiving Gifts
11 Acts of Service
3 Physical Touch
Interpreting and Using Your Profile Score: 
The highest score indicates your primary love language (the highest score is 12). It's not uncommon to have two high scores, although one language does have a slight edge for most people. That just means two languages are important to you. The lower scores indicate those languages you seldom use to communicate love and which probably don't affect you very much on an emotional level.

Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an "Acts of Service" person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: "Let me do that for you." Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don't matter.

And I noticed that my language have changed over the years of being married. This also explains why I react to certain things when presented not only by my family but at work as well. I'm an Action person and I really do believe actions speak louder than words.

Often we wonder why our love ones don't feel truly loved and appreciated when we are expressing ourselves to them. And this is another tool to help us speak their language. 

       Why is it important to speak their language? Because effective communication is a key part of remaining within a healthy relationship for a starter.

I often talk to my parents about speaking their significant language. I refer to it as (person's name + ese) for an example my language is Jamesese (James-ease) my wife's is Sharonese (Shah-ron-ease). note: It have taken me years to learn this language, (it took a lot of late nights, tears, "I'm sorries" and gifts) I'm not fluent but darn near you baby.

And it's important to learn their language so that when they say " Ok, I'll do it" you know they really mean " Ok , it will get done after I finish this show and the children are gone to bed, because I can't complete the task with the little ones running around begging and getting in the way." Or the answer is given " I'll be back in a minute." You know what is meant " I'll be back in a hour or so."

Learning your significant language not only cuts down on communication time (not that we need to talk to each other less) but it also expresses your love, dedication to the relationship, and makes it a whole lot easier to sleep at night.   So what do you think?.. Take the test (link below) , post your results if you like, and answer these questions: Do you feel the test was correct? Do you feel your significant speaks your language? Is it important to speak the correct language and why?  Do you speak your children language?

Look forward in discussion..Until next time

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The Birds and the Bees. Equals Eggs Right?

We Agree that this NEVER happened  Right?!
I was having a conversation with one of my children as we walked through the store. He saw a mom and her little baby and the question of "where babies come from?" was asked.
I looked at the child and smile. "Well babies come from eggs"
"Eggs?" the child asked.
"Yes" I responded. "Eggs, all babies come from eggs."
Looking bewildered, "Oh then where are the eggs kept"
" Inside the mother." I answered.
I saw his little wheels turning as he was trying to wonder. " So how does she keep them from spoiling? Since Ma keeps them in the refrigerator at home.."

OK, I then begin trying to explain to the child how the eggs are stored differently for each mother and they only spoil when they aren't fertile.. but then I realized that I had lost him. He then saw a toy he wanted and changed the subject. Darn I missed my chance..I was a too complex with my response..

Now this brought me to think about Sex and how we as a nation, though very sexual open, still don't talk about it to our children as we should. Parents still have to give permission for their children to receive sexual education, but the same children are exposed to sex through television shows, the radio, the neighbor dogs, cats, and other animals, and told about it at school by their peers. Most people believe that the subject need to discussed by the parents, but when talking to the parent most haven't discussed, too afraid to discuss, or do not know where to start. I know most feel that this should be discussed but how and when is the right time?

My opinion is as soon as the child becomes to identify it's body parts and know the different between gender. Why so early you may ask? Well, gender is known by child as early as a few months. The child begin to associated the difference between the genders, the specific duties of each and even the difference in voice as well as smells. No, do I think you should jump into sexual functions for procreation. I am talking about discussing body parts, their basic functions and safety. Sexual ignorance is a gateway to sexual abuse. If the child can not discuss to his or her parent that "the bad person" is touching their penis, vagina, buttocks or any parts that make them feel "funny" then there is a problem. Using nicknames is a NO NO..these pet names are used as cover ups and makes its easier for predators. If a child tells that someone is playing with their Kitty cat or touching their pocketbook is easier to overlook versus using the word vagina. Boys don't have wee wee's, hotdogs, ding dongs or other pet names. They have a penis.

Talk about sex to your children, when they get older tell them what your values are, but be aware. Sometimes our values are not the values of our children. It's what we want for them not what they are going to do. Pregnancy can happens as earlier as 9 years old. I know, that's young, but hey it happens. Was there bad parenting involved? Some would state yes, some would state no. The blame game is too late now as the child is now a young mother and if proper steps were taken it could have been prevented. I see its as parents values were not the child's and protection is always better then none. We place a lot of responsibility on our children to "do the right thing" when we know "doing the right thing" is really hard and sometime nearly impossible for the child.

As a parents. it's our job to provide our children with the proper tools for life- whether that be teachings of abstinence, birth control, a condom (please teach how to put on-no good if they don't know how use), or all of the above. I feel and stated I feel that always having a plan B for your child during this time is safer. So what others think, those "others" will not have to take care of the child and baby or have make a decision to abort.

So talk to your child find out what they know about sex, you maybe surprised what they tell you. They know how little brother or sister got here. And please tell the truth because lying in the beginning lead to lying in the end. So what do you think is the proper age to beginning talking about sex to you child? Is it topic that should be delivered gender specific? (males talk to males, females to females)

Monday, June 27, 2011

Made in God's Image..So GOD"S A Black Man?


It wasn't till today till I actually thought about the quote "..Made in God's image" to realize..Hey God is Black.  I was reading the question posted on Mckmama  posted by His Treasured Princess and thought well if I'm made in God's image then that makes God black and Jesus as well right? If taken literally it would be yeah, but pretty sure that God's word wasn't meant to be taken literally regarding that verse. I feel that he was letting us know that no matter what we look like we represent him and are made in his likeness. So that we all can now love and worship him because he is the father of us all. Even though he made us different or allow us to be born different he still expect for us to act like him.

I know that Jesus, according to my understanding was a Jew. And hey the area he was from would cause his skin to be dark. So hey maybe Jesus was black? And if he was would that make his sacrifice any less? Some would say yes, some no, and others wouldn't care. I'm only posing a question. Either way his sacrifice was an important step for us all to be allowed into heaven.

Maybe God's a female instead of a male. God could be. We don't really know. Would that make a difference? Would explain the sense of humor and the pain caused during childbirth~" Next time do what I say. If I tell you not to eat something don't eat it."

Honestly I feel that's it's best that we don't know.. I can worship my black God, you can worship your (insert whatever adjective you want) God and if we all do what's asked of us, can go to heaven and enjoy eternity. What do you think?

Friday, June 24, 2011

Two Faced...Am I?..Nah

Two Face
So are we teaching our children to be two-faced? What's two faced..Well it's like the DC comic character

We have a good side and a bad side but it's determined by a flip of a coin (or more a mere thought) Or more like that we present one way in public but in reality our feelings are completely opposite.

Now I was presented with this situation with one of my kids. The child was with me as we were traveling to a local restaurant. I was making my way over in the turning lane to make my turn (signal clicking an all) when a guy who wanted to turn more than me, cut me off and turned. Now the child (14 years old) look at me and said, "Now that was messed up, you should blow your horn at him and let him know what's up." Now I have a decision to make, react to the jerk or be an example. Now being a male, with a younger male I have to show I'm Alpha male right, protect my rep and let the other driver know I'm not to be messed with. But as a parent I also need to teach this little guy that you don't handle conflict with violence. So "coin flip" I do the right thing and respond " I know this guy was being a real jerk, but it's not so important that I have to make a scene. This can lead to an altercation, police involvement and possible legal actions all for What? Nothing, our time is more important than his so I'll let it pass." Now the young man looked at me bewildered, I smiled,  we parked, went in, and enjoyed our meal.  

 Now I feel that we all have our Two Faced moments and often these show when were are put under a state of duress. And I find this normal. We are faced sometime with situations that you have to turn to the "dark side" and do what's in your best interest..say for survival (sitting in precinct, facing 10 years in prison-question asked who did it-Tell or no-no brainer right?) But then there are times that we choose to be bad and just because it's easier and we don't consider the consequence or who's watching. 

As parents we teach our children to be morally good, to tell the truth always and to face the consequences of our actions regardless if they loose a privilege, get grounded or receive a spanking, but as Adults we do not do the same. Why?

"shrugging shoulders"

Well maybe because we feel that it's in our best interest to act a certain way.."Hey YOU can 't expect me to allow THAT guy to DO that to me right? I have  rep to protect. "
Or maybe that little white lie want hurt we tell our significant you look so beautiful in that outfit while thinking.."uh I really don't think you should wear that outside the house."

Regardless of our reasoning, we are teaching our children to be two faced. To protect themselves and if it requires a little white lie or back stab~Hey that's the way it is.  You have to survive in this dog eat dog world~ right? So I ask is it ok to teach our children to be two faced? And If not why? 

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

C.Y.A (Cover Your A Suga Suga)...the unspoken rule of Teamwork

In my job I have to rely on other's for help as teamwork is the key to success. Well I have come to realize that teamwork is not viewed the same. I recall that coaches yelling during PE when I was in school. "you have to work as a team, or you'll fail. There is no I in team."  and I took this to heart, putting my all in the group activities and functions often sacrificing my self for the team. Then I learned after several times being thrown under the bus, that CYA is part of the teamwork that I wasn't told about.

Now when your rearing your children, you want them to learn to work well together. From setting up play dates, watching them play, forcing them to share their things, and helping them understand the importance of following through on their group projects. But we don't teach them to CYA. Why?  I have determined that because we want our children to believe that people are naturally good and would not do things to harm them when they agree to help them complete a project.  But what we fail to realize that what we are doing is handicapping our children and allowing them to be taken advantage of.

 Is it wrong for individuals to protect themselves from potential career harm? How would you teach your children to CYA?  

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

No Place Like home

Wow today was one of those days..Driving for hours to assist children to permanency, that's my role, that's my job. I often wonder what people who are not in my line of work think when they see me with a child who obviously is not my biological and they are treating me as their parent. The stares, questions, and comments I receive are so weird, intrusive and outright rude sometimes; but the children and I seem to address them and move on.  

Foster care is one of those necessary evils I would say. It's important to protect our children from harms way, but it also traumatizes the child that being removed from the environment they are currently in. I have witness the horror the children feel/expressed but also witness the comfort they feel/express as well when placed in a safe secure home environment where they are treated like children and allowed to express themselves. Not all homes are the best but as one of my children informed me today. There is no place like home. We often try and allow the children to bring something with them to remind them of home a toy, picture or favorite item, but this does not always happen.

So today I ask. If you had to go live somewhere else by force, you had to go now, what one thing would you take? 

Monday, June 20, 2011

Unconditional Love..Hmm I Don't think So

Well Today I dropped by around lunch time (GA time) to read a discussion started by Laura of Finding My Soul Mate Before I Retire held on MckMama  (which I thoroughly enjoyed by the way) entitled It's About Time regarding the treatment of GTL and the treatment there of.  You can read the thread for all the details. However what caught my attention was the use of  phrase Unconditional Love. I understand that there are people that sincerely believe that we can unconditionally love, but I do not. I feel that everyone have a condition to their love. By definition unconditional love is the not conditional limited strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties or attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers or affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interest  as quoted by Merriam-dictionary.  

I feel that all people have a limited or condition to their love. They may feel that they can love regardless, but when presented with certain situations, issues, or problems that unconditional love become conditional. For an example, parents state that they love their children unconditionally, that no matter what their children do they will always love them and this maybe true (according to their perception). However, there are things that our children do that will cause us to question this feeling, to wonder what occurred to challenge their feeling and this is their condition. These feelings usually occur when your core beliefs are truly challenged. Such would you love your children unconditionally if one child killed the other? What if you come upon the fact that one child molested your neighbor's child or your younger child? What if the child was in love with a sex, gender, or race that you don't approve? What if your child decides that your not worth their time anymore and disown you? Would you still love them unconditionally, to accept the child and his/hers decision without second thought? Or would you think about this and rationalize that you still love them but not their behavior?  

What about the unconditional love we suppose to have for our significant. Do we stay or go if the significant cheats (but whatever definition that we decide)? What if the significant brought home an unwanted visitor (child or disease)? And do we continue to love or significant if their physical body changes drastically, not just to big or little what if disabilities strike when your young not old? Do you still love when the person can't love when they can't love like the original agreement?

Even higher beings have condition to their love. Each religion provide a guide for what you have to do to gain favor in the higher beings sight. Yes, some state that your very existence is a proof of the unconditional love, but then state to continue to live in his favor you must follow and worship him (the condition). I'm not saying that this is wrong, I stating that life require conditions as well as love.

We as parents set these conditions when we instill our belief, rules (spoken and unspoken), values in our off spring. These are develop, passed down, and enforces by the conditions society and biology place on us. Unfortunately these conditions can not be avoided and if someone does these individuals are labeled a sinners, psychologically unstable, psychopaths, and social deviants.  

So lets stop fooling ourselves and accept that life have conditions as well as our love. What you think?

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Father's Day's Wish List- Things I DO NOT Want for Father's Day

Fathers Day imagesHmm. Well today as we know is Father's Day least in the USA, Canada and the UK. And I blogged about the appreciation of fathers which can be read from by post on April 27, 2010 and I still feel true about it. Take a read and see. But today, I want to know why we celebrate Father's Day. Before I researched it (Google for the Win), I thought it was just another day created by the MAN (corporate greed) to get more money since Mother's Day was a big "cha ching."  However, I found out that it was actually a day to celebrate a dad who reared his six children alone after the mother of the children passed away during childbirth

OK, I must admit I was wrong about the original reason for the celebration.  But I'm sure the MAN have made plenty of "cha ching" with this holiday.

Well in honor of Father's Day I'm gonna put out my list of things/gifts  Father's Do NOT want on Father's Day.
  1. The Infamous Tie- I know your child/children may think they look good or cute.  But the Tie is the equivalent to the matching purse or hat to a females ensemble. It speaks a lot about you and you can only explain some many times why your tie flashes, is too big and resemble a collage of colorful construction paper, glue and glitter.   
  2. Tools For Work That Aren't Discussed-If he ask for the RIDGID 10in 13amp Profession Table saw MODEL R4512 getting him RIDGID 4gallon wet/dry a Shop Vacuum isn't the same. I know the vacuum can be used to suck to fine dust that would come from the table saw but don't be surprised if you get a semi smile receiving the gift.
  3. "You Are the Father" A DNA Test Result-fathering a child is the best time in a males life (the fathering part just joking) But waiting on a result for DNA test, getting it back, and realizing your stuck with her- "the opps I forgot to tell you. I 'm not on the pill " is the worst. Yes, you will love your child and cherish the moments you spend together, but NOT with her. Aww!! Man. This is gonna be a long 18 years.  
  4. A Honey Do-and no I'm not talking about the fruit which I must say are very delicious especially when cold. I'm referring to the Honey Do List that is attached to a gift given. The "Happy Father's Day with a Part two."  It's usually delivered like this "Happy Father's Day. we got you the lawn mower you wanted (pause) now you can cut the grass, trim the hedges, edge the lawn before my mother comes over for your Father's Day dinner.
  5. A Dear John Letter-Wouldn't that suck. You come home from work and there is a note telling you she gone, taking the kids, plus she'll see you in court cause she wants half. Well least she cooked dinner before she left.
  6. A Summons for Court-Well no one really like to go to court, well maybe lawyers and such, but no father wants that summons for court for Father's Day. There is  no better way to spend quality time with your family (wanted or not) then to go to court for/with them.  It's Like saying, "Happy Father's day and oh yeah. Pay your child support."

Well these area  few of my Un-wanted  Father's Day Gifts and I'm sure there are more that could be added. So What would you add?
Fathers Day Graphics

Thursday, June 16, 2011


Day Four of "My GOOD WEEK". And boy have this been a day. A lot went wrong, but more went right so I'm gonna call it a good day also. Stated out with a positive meeting regarding how I am handling a case. Then was able to help my wife go see a play and rekindle a relationship she had with along go best friend. First time in a while since she have been away for a fun..actually first time she have ever been way for fun instead of work. So I know she having a blast. I was able to get good news on my other child, she is doing so well and making me proud as she accepts life and mature. Then was able to pick up kids, grab a few pizzas and feed them without a problem. Then was able to fix my busted pipe and only got partially soaked-stupid dog broke it. And now I am able to blog a little bit, surf the web and prepare for my trip for tomorrow. So this week have been a good week. I have learned to stay positive, focus on the good and don't let other negativity bring me down. It's been a blast and hope who read it enjoyed. don't know what tomorrow will bring but I'll let you know

Wednesday, June 15, 2011



Today was one of those.. easy days. Not too many calls, attended a All Staff Meeting-were we discuss the upcoming events, updates for each units and the general welfare of everyone in the office. This usually take an hour or two, but usually leaves you feeling pretty good as misery loves company. But also it binds us together like a family-sorta like a big family dinner, but done monthly with "Big Mama" being your director/boss.

After the meeting, I had another meeting to go too. I was selected by the regional director to participate in a focus group, this was a honor to me because as I felt I was a the trouble maker in the company as I speak my mind a little too freely (I've been told) and often is in the spot light. Well this meeting went well also as it always feel good to have someone listen to you and reassure you that your thoughts are just as important (or more important) than the person next to you.

Also I was given the opportunity to hang out (we drove to the site together) with another supervisor and get to know her better. Networking is always good you know. So now I'm home, and awaiting a good meal, spend some time with the family and start my final day tomorrow.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011


Well Day 2 of "MY GOOD WEEK". Today, I got to experience what a placement worker (foster care case managers) strive for- the return of children. The return to a home where the parents have matured, learned, and adopted new positive ways in rearing their children. The parents have proven not only to the State, but mainly to themselves and their children that they are able to provide a safe home for them to live in. This process is accomplished through hard work, set goals, court and granted by a judge.

Today would be considered a great day as reunification does not happen often. Usually permanency is accomplished by children being placed with a non-parent (a relative or fictive kin). This occurs because most parents aren't ready for change or their problems are too great to be solve within policy time allotted. For some children, there is not an exit for them as they enter care and remain till 18. And As a worker, these children becomes your children and are often the hardest to rear, as foster care is not design for such a burden. Either way, I had a great day, the children got to stay with their parent and I get to see the results of hard work, dedication, long phone conversation, late nights, tear, laughs and team work.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Posting early for the blog hop..Following is is much fun..less thought and you can't be blamed..So follow me and I'll follow back


Today was a good day in a long line of what I expect to be a good week. I'm going to tackle this week as "My GOOD WEEK". First time in a while in Work Candace (defined as a meeting where they share what you have or have not done to everyone in your region) I did not hear my name. I was glad that this time the focus wasn't on the workers or grunts I like to call them, but on the higher ups or Supies. These times are hard for a lot of workers and overwork and underpaid seems to be today's norm. I hear some complain that they want to recognized for what they have done and I would agree most of the time but not today. Today it does feel good to be forgotten or at least appear indivisible in a room of your peers. To not have your name in the lights. I think I now understand what my teen as "sometime I just want to be left alone." But I will add my twist to this, "to be left alone so I can get my job done without so much interrupts."

Now that I'm home from work, my work will continue and it will still be good. Get to spend some time with my family; listen for some Zaynahism check the tab above and blog. Day one down only three more to go due to the lovely furlough.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Pretending..Anyone want Sunday Dinner?

Today's Sunday and today's my day to cook dinner. Well, the wife and I try to swap days and to share in the responsibility of household chores, but sometimes she have to cover for me if the job keeps me past dinner time, but be sure she have me make up my missed cook day. Today will be a soulful, calorie pack dinner. Turnip greens (seasoned with the "seasoning meat" as my mother calls it-using smoked pork today), white rice, a baked pork shoulder and apple pie. I know the weightwatcher would blow all their points for probably two days, but hey- I had this taste for it-and since mom is not here to cook. I'll do it myself.

I quite enjoy cooking and wanted to be a Master Chef as my dad calls it, "since his father was a master chef-for a restaurant here back in town in the late 60's and everybody in town would order that Woody's Fried Chicken." So it inspired me to want to be chef. I'm not one yet but hey, I pretend on my cook days and pretending is good right? It encourages healthy brain development, creative thinking, and encourages imagination and as long as you can separate imaginary from reality you should be good. Well don't know how much my brain can develop at my current age, but I still like to pretend. Especially when playing with the children.

As parents we have to pretend. Pretending when they are little, you will find yourself playing swordfights, monster, little princess, or horsy to name a few; as teenagers you have to pretend to care 'bout what they like, what's in style, or "hot" when you really don't know what they are talking about, pretend not to see and/or hear certain things, to allow for growth and later discussion when appropriate, and even pretend to like their significant/associates and friends. But it doesn't stop just there, when your in a relationship, personal or work, you have to pretend also, to pretend that THAT article of clothing enhances their appearance and pretend that your really care about what your boss or co-workers are saying, their pictures of their children , or their family achievements, just to name a few. So when I truly think about it pretending is a good thing to teach your children and something you will be using until death. What do you think?

Saturday, June 11, 2011


Hmm Today have been one of those days I would label as a "Progression Day". Getting back into the blogosphere..hmm is that a word? If not I want credit. I have invested a large number of hours getting ready. Like most of the reader/bloggers they have done the same and will continue to do the same. I have come to realize-either due to my tired eyes-or lack of family involvement today- that this will be an true investment of time and will power. I don't mind but I must add this to my balancing act. Well I encourage all to follow, join and continue enjoy blogging. Also to stop and take the time to invest in not only your family but in things that are important to You.

The Adventures of J-Man and MillerBug: Finding New Friends Weekend Blog Hop - Week 11!

The Adventures of J-Man and MillerBug: Finding New Friends Weekend Blog Hop - Week 11!: "<img src='"

Friday, June 10, 2011

Thinking of Others

Ok.. with the last load of clothing in the dryer.. I was recounting my day today and what lesson I could share. Today was a typical day, early morning calls from clients to assist with life lesson or at least how to obtain something they want, getting ready for work with at least one child in a bad mood, and wishing the wife a good day. Arriving at work and watching my internal "to do list" fall apart and only getting maybe one thing done on the list. Well this one thing I got done today gave me my lesson for today.

Consideration. As defined by Consideration is thoughtful or sympathetic regard or respect; thoughtfulness for other.

And this lesson was provided by my client I will call Jerri. How could Jerri provide this lesson for me. Let me explain. Well the client I was serving today requires my assistance with the life lesson of budgeting. Twice a month I go and assist with shopping needs, corrective budgeting, and proper social interactions. I been doing this for quite a while and great progress have been made. Jerri is now to the point of being able to buy items without blowing the budget but still requires a little nudge to move forward so we want spend all day in the store. Although we buy the items on her list (Yes! making a list was a big step) she always bought the same personal items bi-weekly. Now I never could figured out why Jerri would use four sticks of deodorant in two weeks but today she informed me. The conversation was went something like this.

Me: "Ok, now I have to ask. How do you use so many sticks of deodorant without wasting them?"
Jerri : "Well I have to stay smelling fresh Mr. Fullwood."
Me: "I understand that but it isn't very wise to use so much especially as your funds are limited."
Jerri: She looks then say, "Well I'm not the only one using it."
Me: "Huh? Well there are only. "I pause then think about her household and realize that Jerri have been buying deodorant for her entire household and they have been wear all female deodorant.
Me: "Ah now I see, if they need some then you buy what they need. Men require male deodorant as it protects better."
Jerri: "Well I don't know. I'm not a man."
Me: "I know, but I glad to know your thinking about your family while shopping, unlike so many other people I know."

Jerri smile and continued shopping. I have always felt I was a considerate person. I think of others when I make decision and as a parent 95% of the decision I make are in considerate of other. But this noun is not inherited. You don't have a consideration gene-least I couldn't find one when I goggled it. So it have to be taught. I recall my mother always telling me to be considerate of others and this was shown through actions. Like looking out for your siblings and not allowing them to get in trouble or hurt, thinking of others before yourself (sharing was a big thing) but as I look around me with the focus on I instead of we- consideration have diminished. As parents we still need to teach this and inform our children of the importance of being considerate. They live in a world with other people and those other people will be the one to provide services for them. Being considerate goes a long way and often replicates. What do you think?

Little ways to show around the home that your are considerate:
1. Replacing the TP when you use the last
2. Cleaning up behind yourself, especially when someone else is going to use the items
3. Resealing containers fully
4. Replacing items back where you first found them
5. Using manners, Please, Thank You, and Your Welcome goes a long way

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Hello? Anyone here..

Wow!! Been a while since I posted here on my Blog and I do miss the freedom, the release and the followers. Well I'm Back again.. and this time...I'm here to stay..

My last post were about common sense parenting-ways to provide care for your children without ending up on a talk show or reality TV (unless your into those), and I plan to continue this approach. This past year have provided me with more experience, more opportunities, and more hardship to deepen my pool of parenting.

My tweenie is now a teen. She is growing quickly and have already tried a few things out (some good, others bad). My son is maturing as well, beating his old man at games and then of course reminding me of this. My middle girl is surprising me everyday in someway and also providing me with a great example of middle child syndrome I have read about. While the baby, will be a year on the 28th and have grew so fast that I have no choice but to feel old. However, I have enjoyed this time and plan to share as much of my life lesson as I can.

Thanks for the love and look forward in learning from you all as well.