Friday, May 28, 2010

Blog Hop Friday




Welcome again to Blog Hop Friday, hosted by My New Life As Mom, Chubby Cheeks Thinks, Take A Mom's Word For It, Bree Bee's, This Adventure Our Life and Belly Charms!We continue to invite you and your friends to link up every Friday and join us for a wonderful blog hopping adventure! We're all about making friends and having fun so come join us! Here's how you can join in on the fun;

Link up to your blog, using our inlinkz link list, below.

Follow the host/hostesses located in the first lucky 7 slots.

Follow any other blogs that you feel appropriate! :)

Add the Blog Hop Friday button to your sidebar.

When following a new blog, please remember to leave a little personal comment love.

If you get a new follower, please feel free to reciprocate the love!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Another Gray Hair? Ugh Parental Clock, Time, and Understanding It

Hmm...the days past by when your working and raising kids. Before you know it, your looking in the rear view mirror and notice that you have a grey hair-well actually several grey hairs. You think wow, haven't noticed those before. Well though I have noticed my greying, and I don't want to think that I'm getting older; my children remind me that I am and that my Parental Clock is slowly ticking down. What is a Parental Clock? The clock that times the beginning of your parental experience with each child until the end. Some call it the eighteen year sentencing or life- you know the bottom of the bell curve time. Either way, the time it takes for you to rear your child.



Why am I talking about time today? Well I have realized that although we know time is not a endless thing our children think it is. They feel that they will always have fun at least until they grow up. And if you asked them when is a grown up a grown up, most couldn't tell you. Now as a parent teaching the concept of time to your child it is a task that will require time-and a lot of it. It begins when they are infants with the crying and waiting on a response. The attentive parent will juggle between tending the child's needs and the tending of self. As the child becomes more independent, the longer the wait time will be, and the child we finally understand that "in a minute" does not mean in sixty seconds or less but varies from one person to the next. And with each passing moment, the concept of time will slowly be understood.



But how do you get your child to follow or least understand what your time means? By demonstrating the importance of time, telling them what it means, and following your own clock. For me a time follows a circle-like a clock. If I plan a party I expect people to be at least fifteen minutes late or earlier and it never ends at a given time. This doesn't bother me and actually makes things kind of relaxing. But for my lovely wife, her time is on a line (linear). She expect thing to start on time and end on time. If your late she gets upset and if your early she gets a little annoyed. Now this has caused some interesting conversations, but the children and I have learned to operated within boundaries. They have learned with mommy, she will get me to school on time, her in a minute means in a minute, and she expects the same. However; with daddy, he will get you to school near the time, but you may have to run to class, his in a minute means you got time to finish watching your television show, and he expects the same. Now the child will watch and learn, will see and relate things in special order. They will understand what show comes before and after their favorite show and understand the basic of morning, afternoon, and night. Using that as a great starter for getting the child to understand time. For example. SpongeBob comes on after Fairly Odd Parents (Nickelodeon shows), they happen before you get dinner, we eat dinner at 6:00pm, so they are afternoon shows. Using simple concepts like this helps the child understand time and how long it take for things to begin and end. And with practice, the child will be telling time in no time.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Follow Friday

It's Friday! Yes!! Another day to follow and get to know more people. So take peek and see who's following or who you would like to follow.




Friday Follow

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

You let her go to the store?! Pushing out of the Nest, When is the Right Time?

Its been a few days since I last posted and I'm sorry life have grabbed me by the horns and flipped me over. I upright again and moving on, trotting but doing ok. While struggling to flip back over, I was presented with the question of : When is the right time to push your children out of the nest? This question derived from me allowing my twelve year old daughter and eight year old son, ride their bikes to the store to pick up an item I needed. Hmm.. Now I thought about this one and found it quite difficult to come up with a direct age to kick the child from the nest (home). I feel that this usually requires trial and error and often more error than success. So I decided to tackle the question this way. I believe that the child's readiness for independence is based on the child; however, the preparation for this independence is based on the parents. So you may have a child that ready to be free, but not prepared or a child that not ready for freedom but is prepared for it. Either way this scenario or usually lead to the child free-falling to the ground until it's either saved (self or parent) or splattering (figuratively) when contact is made with the cold hard ground (world). Not the outcome any parent want for their child right? So how can we prevent this? Here are some suggestion



First, we, as parents, must know our children. And I mean really know. If you can't state your child's favorites (and I know they change), what music they like, hobbies and even friends then you don't really know the child. By knowing the interworking of your child, this allows for the correct time for the push them towards independence. If you recall , we start out rearing the child, teaching it how to talk, walk, and even control it's bodily functions (independence). Then when the child's ready you allow for alone time, such as bathing, playing video games, and cell phone. And this increase to allowing social relationships, sleepovers and the dreaded unsupervised dating. But each of those steps leads to independence and provide you a way to gage your child's independence level. If you notice the child is lacking, you provide more opportunities to demonstrate (of course nothing that dangerous ). And when the child is ready, your progress to the next level.



Second, we as parents must always demonstrate our independence as well. The child need to see that we can take care of ourselves. at home, work and within the community. If the child witness your lack of independence than it will learn this and take it as the norm. So stand up for yourself, exert your independence when appropriate and then talk with the child regarding your actions.



Third, lest be honest with ourselves as parent, your children will NEVER be totally independent from you- and that is a good thing. You want your children to always know that they can depend on you as their parents. The relationship between parent an child should graduate to that point. In a successful relationship, that child will understand and respect the parent's role, while feeling a bond that can be described as a friendship. This would have developed during the child's life as the parent slowly let go and allow the child to grow. Allowing for the good and the bad times, (behaviors and all) while supporting the child. Independence will slowly grow until the time will come and you really won't have to push the child, the child will jump and soar away.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Follow Friday

Friday Follow

It is that time of the week again, Follow Friday. This week there is a special give away going on, so check out One To Try , Hearts Make Families or Midday Escapades for more infomation. Also check out some of these blogs and let them know what you think. Happy Follow Friday!


Adventures of a Wanna-Be Supah Mommy

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Boy I Look Good

Today I was talking with a parent, they were worried about their child's self esteem. I was then asked how do you help this. How do you increase your child's self image? Now at first I wanted to provide the parent with resources to read and go into a discussion of them, but then I thought about it. I informed the parent to increase the child's self image, her self image had to increase first. I then explained that her child's view of the world around her depends so much on the way her parents present it to her. Especially regarding self beauty. She looked confused so I explained further. The child learns so much from the parent. Things like: self awareness, morals, intimacy, basic living and social skills. etc. But this lesson is taught better when the child observes the parent. If the child see that the parents cares about how their appearance, personal hygiene, self worth. Then they will care. If the child observes the compliments that are present to those you care for (love or like) then the child will mimic. If the parent is "happy in their own skin" then the child will learn to be happy in theirs. But to love oneself is one of the hardest part of being a parent today. Taking care of your health, your appearance and general wellbeing is often forsaken. So if you want to help your child understand the importance of self worth. Make sure you as the parent take care of yourself. And with each morning you awake take a long look into the mirror, smile, and say to yourself.. "Boy I look Good today!" and mean it.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Why Do I Have to Repeat Myself? Your Not Getting This. Pull Your pants Up No One Wants to See Your Butt!

I like Follow Friday, whoever invented should get a some form of recognition or even commission for each blogger who follows. Follow Friday provides me with the opportunity to see what other bloggers are into and a hyperlink to get there-I know simple things make me happy.

Well I would like to thank those who decided to follow me after this following Friday. The Blog I visited this week that attracted my attention was "What's A Mom To Do?" by Jacki H at http://whatdoesamomdo.blogspot.com/ Jacki's post on My Biggest Pet Peeves was quite amusing and posed several questions that I hear often as a complaint or concern by parents.
1: Why don't my child listen to me or Why do I have to repeat myself to get them to comply.
2: Why do my children take things/me for granted or Why are their expectations of me are greater than what the expect of themselves.
3: Are my children's personal domains a thing I really can change and if so how do I do this? Now to address these questions

The 1st question, Getting your children to comply when you want them too requires only one or a few words. The word "Now" or any word/phrase that mean to act instantly and without delay. The error I have noticed when working with parents is the feeling or desire to not appear "strict." This want provides the child with inconsistent commands and unpredictable expectation from their parents. The child expects to be told what to do, so that they can understand their world around them while complying to make their parents happy. By giving the direction of "Clean your room. Now!" You are telling your child to do this act now, not after their show goes off, or after they finish texting their friends. The child understand that your in control and will comply.

The 2nd question, The Prince or Princess syndrome least this is what I refer to it as. The expectation that your child develops from receiving things when they want, without understanding why they received it or because its their "birthright". Well this can also be address with a word or few words. The word "No" and any other word or phrase the denies the request of the child. This word/phrase is then followed with an explanation of why the request was denied. The child, like adults, like to know why things are denied, this allows them to rationalize and/or justify the denial. As a parent we want to view our children request as if they were coming from a child you were providing care for not biological children. If the request is something you would not do for another child, then it maybe that your child's request is just that a request. If the child want it done, then have them earn it. This teaches the child that your job as their parent is to provide the basic necessities: food, proper clothing, shelter, and to develop their psychological wellbeing (emotional, psychosocial, and mental) and the rest is a earned by them or given by the parent.

The 3rd question, Parents have and will always disagree with their children for what is consider the child's personal domain. The parent who have their child's best interest in heart wants to control their child's world. The protective nature is loving and children do need this; however, there will come a time when the child's personal appearance will be just that "it's" personal appearance. This allow the child an expression of oneself, a development of self esteem, and a way for parents to gauge the child's peer pressure acceptability. Now I am not stating to allow the child a freedom of choice in all they do, but to allow certain things that they can choose and will always choose. For an example, a child can choose the hair style, length, color etc; however the child can not choose to wear what clothing he or she can wear. Or the clothing chosen have to be within a certain guideline. This personal domain limit is established while the child is growing, but can be developed at anytime within the child's life. And with any rule, you as the parent reserve the right to modify the rule and will notify the child before the rule change occur.

Another way to modify the child's wants or desire for the inappropriate trend, is to get them to explain why they want to follow it so much and don't take "just because" as an acceptable answer. Every trend, have an originator and meaning, instruct the child to find out the meaning and discuss it with them. For an example saggy/baggy pants often referred to as Saggin' developed according to Dr. Jon Abdullah Yasin, from" (at least in concept) from an eccentric American youth translation of old African culture blended with exaggerated street fashion of the time" More on this subject can be found at http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=280977. Once answers are found discuss and this will allow you as the parent a window of opportunity to bond with the child, find out more about the way your child think and process new ideas.

I hope this was helpful and is not all that can be discussed on the subject. Please let me know what you think and lets discuss.
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