Monday, June 14, 2010

Me? Over Protective...

"Mom!.Your over protective! and always watching me".. I heard this more recently in my house. I find this quite interesting as at one time the statement was "Mom!..I'm bored won't you come play with me." And this coming from my tweener (child between the age of 11-14).

Seems with each day that pass, this child want of independence grows- which to me is a good thing. I want the child to develop, to mature, and wonder into the woods of life knowing that she has protectors at home. But in this time and age, with all the internet predators, cyber bullies, and people who are just plain weird, parents do have to be a little over protective with their children, Right? No Wrong.

I state No, because over-protection leads to under-protection. Let me explain. To over protect means to smother. To preemptive strike at anything that could possible go wrong. Example: So Sally wants to go to her friends house to play-No cause one, I don't know Sally, Sally's family, the neighbors in Sally Neighborhood, or What Sally's religious beliefs, what Sally's family routine (bedtime, bath time, etc). These unknowns will lead to harm to my child. And harm is bad so no Sally can't go. Sally will learn your thinking pattern, soon Sally will stop asking, and start creating either a way to go or a way not to go. Either way this stifles Sally's Social growth, which stifles her ability to judge people. We learn what "undesirables" (people who we do not like or desire to be around) are from our school career, and other social interaction. If the child only see and hear you, guess what you become-an undesirable. They will love and hate you, sounds confusing? Well it is, especially to a developing child. And once you become an undesirable, You can not protect your child.
Now I'm not saying to allow your child access to everything and everyone around them. But to allow the child an opportunity to wonder out, learn and come back home to process. Because, You want your children to always feel protected by you.

If you are doing this might be over protective
1. If your child can not go to friend's house without you calling to "checking up on them" which is at least five times
2. If your idea of non-intrusive behavior is reading your child's emails, mail and diary without there knowledge so that you can see if they are talking to someone.
3. If your children can not have social relationship (boy or girl) without you freaking out.

There are many more that could be added to the list.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Blog Hop Friday!


Welcome to Blog Hop/Follow Friday! Hopefully we all will be able to meet some new friends and share in the joys and at times frustrations of parenthood! If this is your first time visiting my blog, I am here to offer a Common Sense Approach to rearing children. These approaches I have not only learned from being a parent myself but also from working in the Social Services field for almost a decade. I hope you will find some useful infomation during your visit here, drop me a comment and let me know what you think.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Your the Favorite and That's Why I don't Like You! Favoritism, A Big No No

Who's your favorite? I was once asked by my children. They all standing around looking awaiting my answer. I paused for only a few seconds and stated. No one. I'm my favorite. they look puzzled with the question of why on their faces. So I answered. I'm my favorite so that you can each have your favorites in life. This didn't help them much, but I left them there pondering the statement.

Do you have favorites with in your family? I find this quite troubling for the family structure if favoritism occurs. Regardless if the parent "thinks" the child won't know-they know and recognizes it quick if favoritism is shown. And believe me, it will be brought up when the time is right for the child. It usually shows it head when during an argument over something the child feels like it deserves. And to remedy this-don't have favorites.

Each child in your family deserve their own time with you as a parent. whether this is during homework, reading a book, play a game, or just listening to the child's day. This builds trust with the child who in turns bonds with you as the parent and strengthens the child security level that is needed for their foundation for self esteem. And if there is a favorite, then the other children can develop traits like envy, jealousy, strife, hatefulness, passive aggressiveness and other nasties that follow towards the favorite. They often pit themselves against each other and will not bond themselves. The closest most lasting relationship people have, in general, is with their siblings. And these relationships can either be positive or negative with the origin falling upon the caregivers rearing of them.

If you find yourself liking one child more, Quit It! Look at each child individually for each child was born individually, developed into individual persons and want to be treated as such. They want the attention of their parent and want to feel just as special as their sibling. It's nothing wrong with taking one child to the store and leaving the others behind, as long as you take each child. Buying for one child and not the other child for their special day-that's fine also. The day is special to that child and everyone should celebrate that day.

A few ways to know if you have a favorite;

1. If you can't wait till the child sees you every day

2. You find excuses to cover for the child wrong doing when the other children would be punished

3. You buy things for the child even when its not deserved, needed, or even wanted

4. First child you think of when comparing the other children (which you should not be doing in the first place)

5. If this child have less responsibilities, not because of its age but because you don't want to interrupt "their day"

6. When buying for the children, the child gets what is wanted, why the other children gets what's needed.

So quit make enemies within your own home and love your children equally.