Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Your the Favorite and That's Why I don't Like You! Favoritism, A Big No No

Who's your favorite? I was once asked by my children. They all standing around looking awaiting my answer. I paused for only a few seconds and stated. No one. I'm my favorite. they look puzzled with the question of why on their faces. So I answered. I'm my favorite so that you can each have your favorites in life. This didn't help them much, but I left them there pondering the statement.

Do you have favorites with in your family? I find this quite troubling for the family structure if favoritism occurs. Regardless if the parent "thinks" the child won't know-they know and recognizes it quick if favoritism is shown. And believe me, it will be brought up when the time is right for the child. It usually shows it head when during an argument over something the child feels like it deserves. And to remedy this-don't have favorites.

Each child in your family deserve their own time with you as a parent. whether this is during homework, reading a book, play a game, or just listening to the child's day. This builds trust with the child who in turns bonds with you as the parent and strengthens the child security level that is needed for their foundation for self esteem. And if there is a favorite, then the other children can develop traits like envy, jealousy, strife, hatefulness, passive aggressiveness and other nasties that follow towards the favorite. They often pit themselves against each other and will not bond themselves. The closest most lasting relationship people have, in general, is with their siblings. And these relationships can either be positive or negative with the origin falling upon the caregivers rearing of them.

If you find yourself liking one child more, Quit It! Look at each child individually for each child was born individually, developed into individual persons and want to be treated as such. They want the attention of their parent and want to feel just as special as their sibling. It's nothing wrong with taking one child to the store and leaving the others behind, as long as you take each child. Buying for one child and not the other child for their special day-that's fine also. The day is special to that child and everyone should celebrate that day.

A few ways to know if you have a favorite;

1. If you can't wait till the child sees you every day

2. You find excuses to cover for the child wrong doing when the other children would be punished

3. You buy things for the child even when its not deserved, needed, or even wanted

4. First child you think of when comparing the other children (which you should not be doing in the first place)

5. If this child have less responsibilities, not because of its age but because you don't want to interrupt "their day"

6. When buying for the children, the child gets what is wanted, why the other children gets what's needed.

So quit make enemies within your own home and love your children equally.


Queen Bug said...

I completely agree. In my house, we don't have favorites. My kids are 3 and 5 and they have asked me who is my favorite already. I tell them that the word favorite doesn't mean anything because they both have my heart. When we're shopping, they either get to agree on what I buy them or I get them each the same thing but maybe a different color. We don't play the favorites game in my house.

Mentor James said...

Great way to handle that situation..It is so easy to unknowingly play favorites and your kids are always watching. Those simple expression when dealing with each child have a greater impact than we think. thanks for the comments. Any Topic you have in mind for discussion please feel free to post me

Momsy Katsy @My Tots Exactly said...

New follower from Mailbox Monday.

Have a great week! :)

~~ Kat ~~
My Tots Exactly!
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Momma Teri said...

Saying HEY from Friday Follow.
Of course we follow you through GFF, please make sure to stop in and do the same for us :)

Psss.... We also have an iPad giveaway going on right now 7/2!

Tracy said...

I love this post! It is a refreshing change to have a dad's point of view on family things :O) I have three boys and there is no favorites. On the other hand, my husband has a favorite....the middle boy. I think it is because they are so much alike. My mother in law actually made a point of saying something to my husband about it and he totally agreed with her. I was so mad...I suspected he had a favorite but was hoping I was wrong. I wish he had your perspective on this issue!
Thanks for dropping in on my blog, I am now your newest follower!

J Fullwood said...

Tracey thanks for following...and I can understand your frustration regarding your husband display... hopefully the other boys are receiving as much attention from there fathers so that they continue to feel just as loved..plus children evolve...one minute they like what you do, next minute they'll hate it..Address your feelings with your husbnad..then let time deal with it..for the children are the best teachers for some parents. Thanks again for following and if any topics for discussion please feel free to let me know

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