Friday, April 16, 2010

Raining on your child's parade

In my job, I often have the opportunity to see bad parenting in action, which I take as a blessing and a curse. These parents provide me with a steady source of "what not to do's" and possible strategies to coach them into the right direction. But one thing that really bothers me is the parent who "rains on their child's parade" and not the unknowingly times, which we may all do in any given part of our child life. But the deliberate act of "Rain causing, bubble popping" really bothers me.

Most children have limited times in there life when they are really proud of their accomplishments-a picture drawn, good grades, the winning shot in a sporting event, remembering to do ALL their chores without request. And as parents this is the perfect opportunity to cultivate the child's self esteem. To support this positive behavior and give the child an opportunity to shine. However, there are some parents who feel that any sign of your child's success is either a threat to their authority, or a personal strike against their character and will "rain on" the child. Either through direct belittling the act with mean statements, ignoring, or just being plain mean spirited. This is shameful and created an sense of anger, and distrust in the child.

So How can this be corrected.
1. The parent can first listen to the child and acknowledge what the child has done-a simple smile does wonders
2. The parent need to think of why the child behavior cause that un easy feeling. Was it the way it was said (presented)? Was the act of the child doing something you wanted to do? And yes as parents we can be jealous of our children accomplishments. Once realized the need to addressed by the parent and corrected.
3. To correct this behavior we as parents, will have to seek help from others and apologize to the child for raining on their parade.

Because remember the child is always learning from the parent and soon will be doing the same to you or others. And when this occurs in the public realm, school, church or shopping center-embarrassments will soon follow. And the family as a whole will suffer


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