Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Welcome Back
I apologize for the long period of inactivity. I'm back and once again I have been blessed with another child. A beautiful baby girl. Born on June 28 and have been keeping me up for the past 30 days. The new baby have provided me with an opportunity to once again impact my world as well as leave my mark. I have a lot to talk about and ponder regarding new parenting, but this post I feel its more appropriate to say thanks to my wife or carrying, birthing and enduring the pains that go with this process. I have been able to be with her birth of all my children and with each one born a new admiration for her developed. I have always stated until your there to witness the birth of a child, you really don't understand-especially from a males perspective. It looks like it hurts, and from what my wife states-it does. I want to thank for giving me this opportunity and I love her dearly.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Me? Over Protective...
"Mom!.Your over protective! and always watching me".. I heard this more recently in my house. I find this quite interesting as at one time the statement was "Mom!..I'm bored won't you come play with me." And this coming from my tweener (child between the age of 11-14).
Seems with each day that pass, this child want of independence grows- which to me is a good thing. I want the child to develop, to mature, and wonder into the woods of life knowing that she has protectors at home. But in this time and age, with all the internet predators, cyber bullies, and people who are just plain weird, parents do have to be a little over protective with their children, Right? No Wrong.
I state No, because over-protection leads to under-protection. Let me explain. To over protect means to smother. To preemptive strike at anything that could possible go wrong. Example: So Sally wants to go to her friends house to play-No cause one, I don't know Sally, Sally's family, the neighbors in Sally Neighborhood, or What Sally's religious beliefs, what Sally's family routine (bedtime, bath time, etc). These unknowns will lead to harm to my child. And harm is bad so no Sally can't go. Sally will learn your thinking pattern, soon Sally will stop asking, and start creating either a way to go or a way not to go. Either way this stifles Sally's Social growth, which stifles her ability to judge people. We learn what "undesirables" (people who we do not like or desire to be around) are from our school career, and other social interaction. If the child only see and hear you, guess what you become-an undesirable. They will love and hate you, sounds confusing? Well it is, especially to a developing child. And once you become an undesirable, You can not protect your child.
Now I'm not saying to allow your child access to everything and everyone around them. But to allow the child an opportunity to wonder out, learn and come back home to process. Because, You want your children to always feel protected by you.
If you are doing this then..you might be over protective
1. If your child can not go to friend's house without you calling to "checking up on them" which is at least five times
2. If your idea of non-intrusive behavior is reading your child's emails, mail and diary without there knowledge so that you can see if they are talking to someone.
3. If your children can not have social relationship (boy or girl) without you freaking out.
There are many more that could be added to the list.
Seems with each day that pass, this child want of independence grows- which to me is a good thing. I want the child to develop, to mature, and wonder into the woods of life knowing that she has protectors at home. But in this time and age, with all the internet predators, cyber bullies, and people who are just plain weird, parents do have to be a little over protective with their children, Right? No Wrong.
I state No, because over-protection leads to under-protection. Let me explain. To over protect means to smother. To preemptive strike at anything that could possible go wrong. Example: So Sally wants to go to her friends house to play-No cause one, I don't know Sally, Sally's family, the neighbors in Sally Neighborhood, or What Sally's religious beliefs, what Sally's family routine (bedtime, bath time, etc). These unknowns will lead to harm to my child. And harm is bad so no Sally can't go. Sally will learn your thinking pattern, soon Sally will stop asking, and start creating either a way to go or a way not to go. Either way this stifles Sally's Social growth, which stifles her ability to judge people. We learn what "undesirables" (people who we do not like or desire to be around) are from our school career, and other social interaction. If the child only see and hear you, guess what you become-an undesirable. They will love and hate you, sounds confusing? Well it is, especially to a developing child. And once you become an undesirable, You can not protect your child.
Now I'm not saying to allow your child access to everything and everyone around them. But to allow the child an opportunity to wonder out, learn and come back home to process. Because, You want your children to always feel protected by you.
If you are doing this then..you might be over protective
1. If your child can not go to friend's house without you calling to "checking up on them" which is at least five times
2. If your idea of non-intrusive behavior is reading your child's emails, mail and diary without there knowledge so that you can see if they are talking to someone.
3. If your children can not have social relationship (boy or girl) without you freaking out.
There are many more that could be added to the list.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Blog Hop Friday!
Welcome to Blog Hop/Follow Friday! Hopefully we all will be able to meet some new friends and share in the joys and at times frustrations of parenthood! If this is your first time visiting my blog, I am here to offer a Common Sense Approach to rearing children. These approaches I have not only learned from being a parent myself but also from working in the Social Services field for almost a decade. I hope you will find some useful infomation during your visit here, drop me a comment and let me know what you think.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Your the Favorite and That's Why I don't Like You! Favoritism, A Big No No
Who's your favorite? I was once asked by my children. They all standing around looking awaiting my answer. I paused for only a few seconds and stated. No one. I'm my favorite. they look puzzled with the question of why on their faces. So I answered. I'm my favorite so that you can each have your favorites in life. This didn't help them much, but I left them there pondering the statement.
Do you have favorites with in your family? I find this quite troubling for the family structure if favoritism occurs. Regardless if the parent "thinks" the child won't know-they know and recognizes it quick if favoritism is shown. And believe me, it will be brought up when the time is right for the child. It usually shows it head when during an argument over something the child feels like it deserves. And to remedy this-don't have favorites.
Each child in your family deserve their own time with you as a parent. whether this is during homework, reading a book, play a game, or just listening to the child's day. This builds trust with the child who in turns bonds with you as the parent and strengthens the child security level that is needed for their foundation for self esteem. And if there is a favorite, then the other children can develop traits like envy, jealousy, strife, hatefulness, passive aggressiveness and other nasties that follow towards the favorite. They often pit themselves against each other and will not bond themselves. The closest most lasting relationship people have, in general, is with their siblings. And these relationships can either be positive or negative with the origin falling upon the caregivers rearing of them.
If you find yourself liking one child more, Quit It! Look at each child individually for each child was born individually, developed into individual persons and want to be treated as such. They want the attention of their parent and want to feel just as special as their sibling. It's nothing wrong with taking one child to the store and leaving the others behind, as long as you take each child. Buying for one child and not the other child for their special day-that's fine also. The day is special to that child and everyone should celebrate that day.
A few ways to know if you have a favorite;
1. If you can't wait till the child sees you every day
2. You find excuses to cover for the child wrong doing when the other children would be punished
3. You buy things for the child even when its not deserved, needed, or even wanted
4. First child you think of when comparing the other children (which you should not be doing in the first place)
5. If this child have less responsibilities, not because of its age but because you don't want to interrupt "their day"
6. When buying for the children, the child gets what is wanted, why the other children gets what's needed.
So quit make enemies within your own home and love your children equally.
Do you have favorites with in your family? I find this quite troubling for the family structure if favoritism occurs. Regardless if the parent "thinks" the child won't know-they know and recognizes it quick if favoritism is shown. And believe me, it will be brought up when the time is right for the child. It usually shows it head when during an argument over something the child feels like it deserves. And to remedy this-don't have favorites.
Each child in your family deserve their own time with you as a parent. whether this is during homework, reading a book, play a game, or just listening to the child's day. This builds trust with the child who in turns bonds with you as the parent and strengthens the child security level that is needed for their foundation for self esteem. And if there is a favorite, then the other children can develop traits like envy, jealousy, strife, hatefulness, passive aggressiveness and other nasties that follow towards the favorite. They often pit themselves against each other and will not bond themselves. The closest most lasting relationship people have, in general, is with their siblings. And these relationships can either be positive or negative with the origin falling upon the caregivers rearing of them.
If you find yourself liking one child more, Quit It! Look at each child individually for each child was born individually, developed into individual persons and want to be treated as such. They want the attention of their parent and want to feel just as special as their sibling. It's nothing wrong with taking one child to the store and leaving the others behind, as long as you take each child. Buying for one child and not the other child for their special day-that's fine also. The day is special to that child and everyone should celebrate that day.
A few ways to know if you have a favorite;
1. If you can't wait till the child sees you every day
2. You find excuses to cover for the child wrong doing when the other children would be punished
3. You buy things for the child even when its not deserved, needed, or even wanted
4. First child you think of when comparing the other children (which you should not be doing in the first place)
5. If this child have less responsibilities, not because of its age but because you don't want to interrupt "their day"
6. When buying for the children, the child gets what is wanted, why the other children gets what's needed.
So quit make enemies within your own home and love your children equally.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Blog Hop Friday
Welcome again to Blog Hop Friday, hosted by My New Life As Mom, Chubby Cheeks Thinks, Take A Mom's Word For It, Bree Bee's, This Adventure Our Life and Belly Charms!We continue to invite you and your friends to link up every Friday and join us for a wonderful blog hopping adventure! We're all about making friends and having fun so come join us! Here's how you can join in on the fun;
Link up to your blog, using our inlinkz link list, below.
Follow the host/hostesses located in the first lucky 7 slots.
Follow any other blogs that you feel appropriate! :)
Add the Blog Hop Friday button to your sidebar.
When following a new blog, please remember to leave a little personal comment love.
If you get a new follower, please feel free to reciprocate the love!
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Another Gray Hair? Ugh Parental Clock, Time, and Understanding It
Hmm...the days past by when your working and raising kids. Before you know it, your looking in the rear view mirror and notice that you have a grey hair-well actually several grey hairs. You think wow, haven't noticed those before. Well though I have noticed my greying, and I don't want to think that I'm getting older; my children remind me that I am and that my Parental Clock is slowly ticking down. What is a Parental Clock? The clock that times the beginning of your parental experience with each child until the end. Some call it the eighteen year sentencing or life- you know the bottom of the bell curve time. Either way, the time it takes for you to rear your child.
Why am I talking about time today? Well I have realized that although we know time is not a endless thing our children think it is. They feel that they will always have fun at least until they grow up. And if you asked them when is a grown up a grown up, most couldn't tell you. Now as a parent teaching the concept of time to your child it is a task that will require time-and a lot of it. It begins when they are infants with the crying and waiting on a response. The attentive parent will juggle between tending the child's needs and the tending of self. As the child becomes more independent, the longer the wait time will be, and the child we finally understand that "in a minute" does not mean in sixty seconds or less but varies from one person to the next. And with each passing moment, the concept of time will slowly be understood.
But how do you get your child to follow or least understand what your time means? By demonstrating the importance of time, telling them what it means, and following your own clock. For me a time follows a circle-like a clock. If I plan a party I expect people to be at least fifteen minutes late or earlier and it never ends at a given time. This doesn't bother me and actually makes things kind of relaxing. But for my lovely wife, her time is on a line (linear). She expect thing to start on time and end on time. If your late she gets upset and if your early she gets a little annoyed. Now this has caused some interesting conversations, but the children and I have learned to operated within boundaries. They have learned with mommy, she will get me to school on time, her in a minute means in a minute, and she expects the same. However; with daddy, he will get you to school near the time, but you may have to run to class, his in a minute means you got time to finish watching your television show, and he expects the same. Now the child will watch and learn, will see and relate things in special order. They will understand what show comes before and after their favorite show and understand the basic of morning, afternoon, and night. Using that as a great starter for getting the child to understand time. For example. SpongeBob comes on after Fairly Odd Parents (Nickelodeon shows), they happen before you get dinner, we eat dinner at 6:00pm, so they are afternoon shows. Using simple concepts like this helps the child understand time and how long it take for things to begin and end. And with practice, the child will be telling time in no time.
Why am I talking about time today? Well I have realized that although we know time is not a endless thing our children think it is. They feel that they will always have fun at least until they grow up. And if you asked them when is a grown up a grown up, most couldn't tell you. Now as a parent teaching the concept of time to your child it is a task that will require time-and a lot of it. It begins when they are infants with the crying and waiting on a response. The attentive parent will juggle between tending the child's needs and the tending of self. As the child becomes more independent, the longer the wait time will be, and the child we finally understand that "in a minute" does not mean in sixty seconds or less but varies from one person to the next. And with each passing moment, the concept of time will slowly be understood.
But how do you get your child to follow or least understand what your time means? By demonstrating the importance of time, telling them what it means, and following your own clock. For me a time follows a circle-like a clock. If I plan a party I expect people to be at least fifteen minutes late or earlier and it never ends at a given time. This doesn't bother me and actually makes things kind of relaxing. But for my lovely wife, her time is on a line (linear). She expect thing to start on time and end on time. If your late she gets upset and if your early she gets a little annoyed. Now this has caused some interesting conversations, but the children and I have learned to operated within boundaries. They have learned with mommy, she will get me to school on time, her in a minute means in a minute, and she expects the same. However; with daddy, he will get you to school near the time, but you may have to run to class, his in a minute means you got time to finish watching your television show, and he expects the same. Now the child will watch and learn, will see and relate things in special order. They will understand what show comes before and after their favorite show and understand the basic of morning, afternoon, and night. Using that as a great starter for getting the child to understand time. For example. SpongeBob comes on after Fairly Odd Parents (Nickelodeon shows), they happen before you get dinner, we eat dinner at 6:00pm, so they are afternoon shows. Using simple concepts like this helps the child understand time and how long it take for things to begin and end. And with practice, the child will be telling time in no time.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Follow Friday
It's Friday! Yes!! Another day to follow and get to know more people. So take peek and see who's following or who you would like to follow.
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