Why Do I Have to Repeat Myself? Your Not Getting This. Pull Your pants Up No One Wants to See Your Butt!

I like Follow Friday, whoever invented should get a some form of recognition or even commission for each blogger who follows. Follow Friday provides me with the opportunity to see what other bloggers are into and a hyperlink to get there-I know simple things make me happy.

Well I would like to thank those who decided to follow me after this following Friday. The Blog I visited this week that attracted my attention was "What's A Mom To Do?" by Jacki H at http://whatdoesamomdo.blogspot.com/ Jacki's post on My Biggest Pet Peeves was quite amusing and posed several questions that I hear often as a complaint or concern by parents.
1: Why don't my child listen to me or Why do I have to repeat myself to get them to comply.
2: Why do my children take things/me for granted or Why are their expectations of me are greater than what the expect of themselves.
3: Are my children's personal domains a thing I really can change and if so how do I do this? Now to address these questions

The 1st question, Getting your children to comply when you want them too requires only one or a few words. The word "Now" or any word/phrase that mean to act instantly and without delay. The error I have noticed when working with parents is the feeling or desire to not appear "strict." This want provides the child with inconsistent commands and unpredictable expectation from their parents. The child expects to be told what to do, so that they can understand their world around them while complying to make their parents happy. By giving the direction of "Clean your room. Now!" You are telling your child to do this act now, not after their show goes off, or after they finish texting their friends. The child understand that your in control and will comply.

The 2nd question, The Prince or Princess syndrome least this is what I refer to it as. The expectation that your child develops from receiving things when they want, without understanding why they received it or because its their "birthright". Well this can also be address with a word or few words. The word "No" and any other word or phrase the denies the request of the child. This word/phrase is then followed with an explanation of why the request was denied. The child, like adults, like to know why things are denied, this allows them to rationalize and/or justify the denial. As a parent we want to view our children request as if they were coming from a child you were providing care for not biological children. If the request is something you would not do for another child, then it maybe that your child's request is just that a request. If the child want it done, then have them earn it. This teaches the child that your job as their parent is to provide the basic necessities: food, proper clothing, shelter, and to develop their psychological wellbeing (emotional, psychosocial, and mental) and the rest is a earned by them or given by the parent.

The 3rd question, Parents have and will always disagree with their children for what is consider the child's personal domain. The parent who have their child's best interest in heart wants to control their child's world. The protective nature is loving and children do need this; however, there will come a time when the child's personal appearance will be just that "it's" personal appearance. This allow the child an expression of oneself, a development of self esteem, and a way for parents to gauge the child's peer pressure acceptability. Now I am not stating to allow the child a freedom of choice in all they do, but to allow certain things that they can choose and will always choose. For an example, a child can choose the hair style, length, color etc; however the child can not choose to wear what clothing he or she can wear. Or the clothing chosen have to be within a certain guideline. This personal domain limit is established while the child is growing, but can be developed at anytime within the child's life. And with any rule, you as the parent reserve the right to modify the rule and will notify the child before the rule change occur.

Another way to modify the child's wants or desire for the inappropriate trend, is to get them to explain why they want to follow it so much and don't take "just because" as an acceptable answer. Every trend, have an originator and meaning, instruct the child to find out the meaning and discuss it with them. For an example saggy/baggy pants often referred to as Saggin' developed according to Dr. Jon Abdullah Yasin, from" (at least in concept) from an eccentric American youth translation of old African culture blended with exaggerated street fashion of the time" More on this subject can be found at http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=280977. Once answers are found discuss and this will allow you as the parent a window of opportunity to bond with the child, find out more about the way your child think and process new ideas.

I hope this was helpful and is not all that can be discussed on the subject. Please let me know what you think and lets discuss.

Now How Does That Make You Feel : Empathy vs. Sympathy

After Follow Friday was a positive for me, I visited several of the websites that followed me. Which was quite fun and amusing, I was visiting Take a Mom's Word for It at http://takeamomswordforit.blogspot.com/ and I came across a question submitted by one of her followers.. the question submitted was "my little girl who is 5 does not know how to be sympathetic to other kids when they get hurt anyone have any suggestions thanks" I thought about this and realized that this was a common questions I received from concern parents.

Sympathy is a great emotions as it allows others to associate with other living things, often relating, which in turn can help the thing your associating with. For an example. A young man, that you do not know, named John fall and hurt himself while playing on the playground. You watched John fall and hurt himself and recall you fell three months ago (touching your arm in the spot that is healed now). John gets up crying and you feel sad suddenly and is concerned about John's wellbeing. You walk over to help John and see if he is ok. That feeling of sadness and concern you have for John is what we want our children to possess, so that they can be an asset to our community. However, this emotion will not come for a while. Sympathy is what I term a "graduate emotion." A graduate emotion is an emotion that evolves or graduates from a lesser one or group of emotions that the person masters.

Parents must first teach their child(ren) how to be empathetic before they can learn to be sympathetic. Empathy is the art of projection. The person uses their imagination and projects the object's (feelings) onto themselves and emerges with it. This is taught by the parent when we discuss feelings with the child and how they should feel. An example of this is: how often we say to our child " how would you feel if this happened to you" or "See that little boy's face, how do you think he feels?" This is done with every opportunity the child have with the parent and in different scenarios and situation. The parent will know when empathy have graduated to sympathy as the child will demonstrate sympathy around you. Often sharing emotions with other living things.

Some ways to teach empathy:

1. As suggested by Kady at Take a Mom's Word for It, reading books. It is always great to read to the child. This promotes bonding, is a conversation starter and demonstrates a value in education
2. When the child watches Television, talk about the shows with the child while watching also. Time together helps build bonding
3. Demonstrate empathy yourself, children learn more form our actions than or words
4. Praise wanted behaviors from the child, when empathy is demonstrated engage the child and have them explain their feelings.

These are just a few tips for teaching the child empathy. If you know any more please feel free to leave a comment.

A Lion and the Kitty

I reviewed Parents magazine article entitled "Discipline Differences", pg 54, May 2010. It was a very interesting on how the different parent styles of the parents often cause problems within the family structure. The article presented several families and the issues cause between several beliefs. A good read. But don't go on my statement. Go out and get the magazine to see for yourself