Your the Favorite and That's Why I don't Like You! Favoritism, A Big No No

Who's your favorite? I was once asked by my children. They all standing around looking awaiting my answer. I paused for only a few seconds and stated. No one. I'm my favorite. they look puzzled with the question of why on their faces. So I answered. I'm my favorite so that you can each have your favorites in life. This didn't help them much, but I left them there pondering the statement.



Do you have favorites with in your family? I find this quite troubling for the family structure if favoritism occurs. Regardless if the parent "thinks" the child won't know-they know and recognizes it quick if favoritism is shown. And believe me, it will be brought up when the time is right for the child. It usually shows it head when during an argument over something the child feels like it deserves. And to remedy this-don't have favorites.



Each child in your family deserve their own time with you as a parent. whether this is during homework, reading a book, play a game, or just listening to the child's day. This builds trust with the child who in turns bonds with you as the parent and strengthens the child security level that is needed for their foundation for self esteem. And if there is a favorite, then the other children can develop traits like envy, jealousy, strife, hatefulness, passive aggressiveness and other nasties that follow towards the favorite. They often pit themselves against each other and will not bond themselves. The closest most lasting relationship people have, in general, is with their siblings. And these relationships can either be positive or negative with the origin falling upon the caregivers rearing of them.



If you find yourself liking one child more, Quit It! Look at each child individually for each child was born individually, developed into individual persons and want to be treated as such. They want the attention of their parent and want to feel just as special as their sibling. It's nothing wrong with taking one child to the store and leaving the others behind, as long as you take each child. Buying for one child and not the other child for their special day-that's fine also. The day is special to that child and everyone should celebrate that day.



A few ways to know if you have a favorite;

1. If you can't wait till the child sees you every day

2. You find excuses to cover for the child wrong doing when the other children would be punished

3. You buy things for the child even when its not deserved, needed, or even wanted

4. First child you think of when comparing the other children (which you should not be doing in the first place)

5. If this child have less responsibilities, not because of its age but because you don't want to interrupt "their day"

6. When buying for the children, the child gets what is wanted, why the other children gets what's needed.



So quit make enemies within your own home and love your children equally.

Boy I Look Good

Today I was talking with a parent, they were worried about their child's self esteem. I was then asked how do you help this. How do you increase your child's self image? Now at first I wanted to provide the parent with resources to read and go into a discussion of them, but then I thought about it. I informed the parent to increase the child's self image, her self image had to increase first. I then explained that her child's view of the world around her depends so much on the way her parents present it to her. Especially regarding self beauty. She looked confused so I explained further. The child learns so much from the parent. Things like: self awareness, morals, intimacy, basic living and social skills. etc. But this lesson is taught better when the child observes the parent. If the child see that the parents cares about how their appearance, personal hygiene, self worth. Then they will care. If the child observes the compliments that are present to those you care for (love or like) then the child will mimic. If the parent is "happy in their own skin" then the child will learn to be happy in theirs. But to love oneself is one of the hardest part of being a parent today. Taking care of your health, your appearance and general wellbeing is often forsaken. So if you want to help your child understand the importance of self worth. Make sure you as the parent take care of yourself. And with each morning you awake take a long look into the mirror, smile, and say to yourself.. "Boy I look Good today!" and mean it.

Raining on your child's parade

In my job, I often have the opportunity to see bad parenting in action, which I take as a blessing and a curse. These parents provide me with a steady source of "what not to do's" and possible strategies to coach them into the right direction. But one thing that really bothers me is the parent who "rains on their child's parade" and not the unknowingly times, which we may all do in any given part of our child life. But the deliberate act of "Rain causing, bubble popping" really bothers me.

Most children have limited times in there life when they are really proud of their accomplishments-a picture drawn, good grades, the winning shot in a sporting event, remembering to do ALL their chores without request. And as parents this is the perfect opportunity to cultivate the child's self esteem. To support this positive behavior and give the child an opportunity to shine. However, there are some parents who feel that any sign of your child's success is either a threat to their authority, or a personal strike against their character and will "rain on" the child. Either through direct belittling the act with mean statements, ignoring, or just being plain mean spirited. This is shameful and created an sense of anger, and distrust in the child.

So How can this be corrected.
1. The parent can first listen to the child and acknowledge what the child has done-a simple smile does wonders
2. The parent need to think of why the child behavior cause that un easy feeling. Was it the way it was said (presented)? Was the act of the child doing something you wanted to do? And yes as parents we can be jealous of our children accomplishments. Once realized the need to addressed by the parent and corrected.
3. To correct this behavior we as parents, will have to seek help from others and apologize to the child for raining on their parade.

Because remember the child is always learning from the parent and soon will be doing the same to you or others. And when this occurs in the public realm, school, church or shopping center-embarrassments will soon follow. And the family as a whole will suffer